Battling with an Inner Struggle

I just want to rest...

Since I moved out of our house, I have never had a quality sleep. I've been haunted by empty dreams, almost always half-awake, dreaded the next dawning, hoping to relieve my self of immeasurable anxieties, performing at my worst, ran after by freaking inconveniences!

I am drained! Spiritually suffering, physically aging, psychologically drowning -- yes, every inch of it weakens my totality.

Endless nights of tearless lamentations... does anyone relate to the feeling, to the pain, to the unspeakable veracity of hurt and frustrations? Almost every hour of my day is spent on bended knees, unsurprisingly finding myself breaking down in tears, which at some point still wouldn't suffice the need to release the pain.

Leaving my comfort zone worsen the intensity of this inner struggle.

I miss my mom; though we may rarely talk heart-to-heart, just having her presence around is relief enough to this aching soul. At a single glance, without a word, she knew I was suffering...

Yes, I'm sobbing while typing this...

I don't need anyone to read this and blame me at the end -- NO. I don't need your words. I knew what I needed -- I KNEW what is lacking. I KNEW the Only ONE who can fill my heart with joy -- and I direly miss the intimate fellowship. And, I miss the comfort of being wrapped in His loving arms...

Dear heavenly Father, let me rest in you...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Guy Sebastian's rendition of Miley Cyrus' "The Climb"

There are several songs that would catch our attention when sang by someone who defines the style of music we prefer... This one is a good example.

I was browsing my facebook homepage when I saw one of my friend's post: the better version of the song "The Climb", which was originally performed by Miley Cyrus for the movie Hanna Montana. I was surprised that Guy Sebastian made such a distinctive re-arrangement of the song that it truly sounds a lot better than the original one. I never want to take the praises out of Miley's performance. She's good, it's just that I love this rendition more.

Guy Sebastian has a very powerful voice and he sings with passion. His rendition penetrates the heart and the mind - it directly speaks to you. He doesn't look like he's singing for the sake of a top-rate performance, well as an artist - it's a must. Nevertheless, we can never discount the fact that we yield to a song that moves us - and the way his sings it does.

Watch it! You'll see!

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Flight - Perri (Lyrics)

I tried to inch every lyric by transcribing the song itself... since I have been searching for the lyrics of this truly beautiful song... but to no avail... I found none. The lyrics below are subject for correction and there are blanks, which means I didn't understand what the lines exactly were.

If anyone of you has the lyrics of this song, please, please, post it on the comment box for it will help a lot of people who's been trying to have a copy. Now, I embedded a link from an imeem account user for you to listen to this feel good song.

Artist: Perri

Album: The Flight
Record: MCA
Released: 1988
Genre: Soul /Jazz

If you're leaving please take me along with you
I want to get rid of my troubles too
We can share the joys of life
So will you take me along, take me along
Flying high up to the sky
It will be beautiful, I know, just you and I

Do you think that we can leave, right away?
I don't think that we should stay another day (another day, no way)
Time will wait for no one
We better run for this life or it's gone before our eyes
All I want to say to you, I need your company with me
Let's take the flight

(instrumental)

I feel so much better now that I'm with you
Fly away to better _____ would be ____
Hold on tight it's our last chance
We better run for this life or it's gone before our eyes
All I want to say to you, I need your company with me
Let's take the flight
You and I
Take the flight
You and I

We share the joys of life
Come with me and take this flight
I need your company
So join me, come with me (2x)

Come to the spice of life
Will you go with me baby?
I need your company
take a flight me

Come to the spice of life
Will you go with me baby?
I need your company
We're on the flight baby
share the spice
Need your company baby, baby
share the spice
Share the spice of life (till fade)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

anonymous

Keeping a journal of disturbed thoughts...

• looking out my window discouraged me more. i do not see happiness. i see struggles.
• running through the pages of people who live life depressed me further. they are living and i am stranded, seemingly alive but not living a life at all.
• thoughts on deaths strike again. this is depression - a feeling of helplessness. no one could help me. none at all - but my self.
  
• miserable. if happiness is a choice, so is misery.
• i deprived my self of life's beauty...
  
• i keep on blaming... silently blaming... my self.
• wasteland has welcomed me. again.
  

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Condos For Sale - During Economic Slump

Working on the assigned task about business idioms had me chanced upon several economic issues around the globe. The recession had hit US and all other countries to the bottom. I might as well present supporting figures and statistics from a legitimate source to vindicate the former statement. On the other hand, I choose not to, since almost every one knows what has been going on in one of the world's most powerful country. I do not choose to name US as "the" world's most powerful country. Why? Things changed. Titles alter. Situations provide a 180 flip of destiny!

I am not here to write about their current economic status, but to write about a personal interest. Primarily, I'm looking forward to buying a condo for personal shelter (shoot! sounds so homey!) I want to know what's going on in our country's condo economy. I'll be reading about the trend, what's in the market for a regular "Juana" like me, who is trying to keep up with the "investors-world". I'll be checking if we're having a housing bubble around the corner. I barely earn a chicken feed a day, so I'd better be tight with what I have in the piggy bank (if there's any)! There's a jungle of condos out there that are too rich for my blood! And once I have committed to one, I'm sure to pare my expenses to the bone or else I might be spamming everyone's email inbox with "help! rush sale! condo foreclosure!" (Geeze! Just the thought of it curdled my blood!)

According to Robert Kiyosaki, author of the bestselling book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, it's best to invest or buy any property during a country's economic depression. Most economists would be amenable to Mr. Kiyosaki's stand. However, I have not truly equipped myself with the ins and outs of this business. After reading several articles or write ups about purchasing a foreclosure property, I have become so eager to know how this maze works. It could give you an almost 100% return! Bear in mind, properties like these appreciate in value. Just to give you an example, Shaq O' Neal bought his home at Star Island, Miami for $19 million last 2004 and he sold it for $35 million around year 2007. Three-year difference earned him $16 million and that's $5.33 million per annum! To ask me how? Well, you ought to study this with me.

The succeeding articles will be the result of what my brain have inched on. This coming August 1, I'll be visiting a property project of SM Realty Group. As reported by one of the property sales consultant or broker to whom I've spoken, this project will provide a 35% per annum return! Sounds interesting, right? That's the very reason I have agreed to check the project and see what's in it for me. Till next post! :)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Gateway Mall Cinema and Washroom Inconvenience

Why the title? Read on...

Recently, numerous malls have sprouted like mushrooms! More than a decade ago, I was happy enough spending my rare after school stop over to Glorietta, Greenbelt and Landmark. No, we don't reside within Makat City, it's just that my mom used to work there. It was a habit informing my mom that I had a project, which must be submitted the next day. This trick paved way to my mall hopping activity. College got me acquainted with North Edsa's lone mall (for it is the nearest mall from UP Diliman). And, everything else is history.

Living atop a mountain made mall strolling a tedious hobby. I've never really became a mall rat. Thus, going to malls and watching movies made me very particular with almost every detail you could imagine.

I was astounded by the beauty of Gateway Mall when it was newly-built. I so like the varieties of restaurants, cafes, shops and boutiques in the mall. I preferred watching movie there than in any other malls. Conversely, my preference changed due to a major washroom issue of Gateway Mall.

Months ago, I noticed something is wrong. Oh, let me correct myself - very wrong! I don't know if consumers and movie goers ever complained about this. The Washroom. At first, the idea of having people pay for every visit to the washroom makes sense (for the first and second level). It could be due to "washroom -overuse"; by whom... uhm… It would be better to ask the Gateway Mall management. On the third level, same rule applies for every visit to the restroom - how much is it again? Php 5.00 (unsure)? I may be a budget scathed person, but I think this also makes sense since unnumbered passerby from the train stations may take advantage of the mall’s necessarium.

My very concern is the washroom on the cinema – level 5. The theaters are nice, the screens – yes, digital. Nonetheless, just the thought of you needing to walk more than 10 meters from the theater to the “common washroom” is simply annoying and honestly ridiculous!

Why on earth did Gateway Mall (Management, Owner, whoever!) ever think of having just a single washroom for all 9 cinemas? Can you imagine just how frustrating it is to feel the necessity to urinate and at the same time avoiding missing any indispensable part of the movie you’re watching?

Just this night, we watched Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. This is a movie, which any element I just couldn’t miss! Suddenly, here comes the inevitable call of nature! Geeze! First, I must gear myself up for more than 10-meter run to the washroom. Second, I must ensure it only takes me less than 3 minutes or else I might miss some essential parts of the movie. Third, as I leaped off my seat, my fingers were also crossed, hoping there’s no long queue of women waiting for an available cubicle. Finally, I reached the washroom. And, ka-boom! A lengthy queue, crowded and piss-smelling washroom welcomed my arrival.

A mall like no other mall... Agree - the only one I know of that doesn't have it's own washroom in each cinema! Beat that!

If there were restrooms in every cinema, there shouldn’t be any long queue on the floor’s one and only washroom (oh, make that 2 – the other one’s for male)! Better yet, there wouldn’t be any need of having an extra washroom outside cinemas since each has its own. I know Time Zone Arcade shares the floor with the rest of the theaters. But then again, wouldn’t Gateway Mall extend its service by simply having one in each theater? (Oh, goodness! I’m repeating myself! I hate being redundant; but with the way I see things going, redundancy is nothing compared to Gateway Cinema’s inexcusable disservice!

Gateway Mall Management, don’t you ever comprehend what I’m trying to point out here??? Didn’t you even consider these things from the very moment the mall was constructed – the very day the planning started?

Come on! We paid a bit more watching here compared to other cinemas; can’t Gateway Mall even provide us a little comfort by having a male and female washroom in each and every theater?! Is that too much to ask? You are one BUDGET-SCATHED establishment! Superficial beauty, a façade of superb facility – wouldn’t an inch of common sense with regard to the mall’s necessarium ever count?

Does Gateway Mall Management even internalize the inadequacy of their services?

Friday, July 3, 2009

A Glimpse of Zambales' Treasures

For several years, I have been contained in the minute space and limited serenity offered by the Metro. Until... I have once again explored Northern Luzon and experienced the captivating beauty of one of it's best kept treasures - Zambales.

Zambales offers a 173 kilometers of uncorrupted beaches, sheltered comfortably between the Zambales Mountain Range and the South China Sea. Although, this place was once enveloped by the inevitable catastrophic erruption of Mt. Pinatubo, the coastline, the beaches, the coves and inlets retain such inspiring awe.

Let's take a glimpse of what Zambales offered me during a two-night and 3-day stay in one of its pristine beaches - Pundaquit, San Antonio.

Welcoming twilight....

Good morning, Zambales! Look at these wonders! That's Capones Island; you can take one of the bangkas going there.

It's only a 30-minute boat ride from Pundaquit Beach and you'll feel the privacy of the uninhabited islands.

Let's take a wider view of these beauties. Zooming my cam out captured the nieghboring crocodile-shaped island named, Camara Island (middle). If you could take a much closer look, there's actually a sandbar connecting Camara Island and it's prey-like island (right). (Forgive me for my description; in my mind's eye, the bigger Camara Island looked like a croc and the smaller one, its prey!) What's really amazing about these islands is that you can actually traverse the sandbar during low tide to reach its prey-like extension.

Be bold enough to dance with the waves! Don't be deceived by the seemingly shallow waters! Few meters from the shore would lead you to a deeper depth... Mind you, if you're not a good swimmer, never attempt to dance with the waves for anytime soon, it could be swallowing you with its mighty current. Remember, Zambales actually lies in between the Zambales Mountains and the South China Sea.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Anxiety Overload!

I have been very anxious these past few days due to unnumbered reasons. Believe me, thinking of how to get my way out of every self-made issue is really getting on my nerves! Until I see myself getting frustrated. Also, comparing myself from other people's results made me feel third-rate!

I'm looking into winning a client to whom I can start working with as a freelance service provider. My test results frustrated me! I feel so dumb! Like the years I have spent in school had not matched any qualifications ever posted by the clients!

I am planning to have my own crib. The plan just went wrong when I lost a major source of income! I was rattled when I found myself in a mesh of stringed responsibilities! What to do next? Where to go? Who to consider? The main questions is: Can I respond positively to the gravity of the agreement I'm getting into?

With the way I see things going, I pictured myself having a knack for attracting every possible quandary around! There are thousands more than you could ever imagine!

This is just the flavorful scoop of being me. Wait till you get to thaw the reserved meat in the fridge! You just won't believe it!

This is my world...


I will be confined in this...






ALONE.

Monday, May 25, 2009

My Family :)

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Family

A beautiful happy family.
Tight bond.
Loving mom and dad.
Caring siblings.
Family whose firm foundation is strengthened by LOVE.





As for me...


a left over of what has been succumbed by some...


nonetheless... blessed to have a wonderful mom.

My thoughts on: Nationalism

Working for different multinational companies had opened my eyes to a wide array of cultures and work ethics observed. It also awakened the nationalist in me. Especially when I start hearing comments about Filipinos' work ethics from foreign co-workers or clients.

The world crisis also brought me closer to my very own nation. We are the survivors. We have gone far and have experienced the most difficult situation a country is expected to face. The nation remained strong amidst political conflicts and poor leadership.


~to be continued~

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Make it happen

I haven't really done the things I want to do in my life. I am not delimited by circumstances rather I am delimiting myself from doing so. This was not me. There are more to achieve but these achievements remain untouched, unrevealed and neglected. I have read profiles and statements from different people. Common people with big dreams and aspirations in life. They make sense. In some ways, they unknowingly inspire other people's thoughts; just like what they did to my oversleeping mind.

Complacency has always been the devil in me. A struggle that I have never knocked out since college. There should never be any excuses; I know I'm full of it.

I need to make it happen.

Friday, January 23, 2009

no good

It gets frustrating everyday... in almost everything...

I am less, but I couldn't just settle for less. I know I am more even though I may be less.

What makes it frustrating is I am what I don't want me to be.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dear God,

Oh, Lord of my life...





I'm on my knees...
















Heavenly Father... You know my heart...

















.

Saturday, January 3, 2009